GIJOE: Real American Hero Sandwich
by minimindbender
Summary: COBRA is at it again, and the Joes have their own problems. Oh, and Flint gets nabbed! Might be some R. Use caution Ch 9 updated.
1. A Night Out for Lady Jaye

GIJOE: Real Amercan Hero....Sandwich  
  
Yes, none of these characters are mine. Too bad. Please don't sue me. Like most people, I have nothing.  
  
Thanks to SapphireMind for the good advice, etc.!  
  
I'm in the middle of moving, so this may not get updated for awhile.  
  
**Chapter 1: A Night Out for Lady Jaye  
**  
Lady Jaye walked into the bar and scanned it for anything suspiciously snake-like. The banners on the wall, emblazoned with large hooded Cobras, told her she wasn't in Kansas anymore (which was where her occasional lover, Flint, was from.) Suddenly Flint walked into the bar. "Ouch!" he said, rubbing his bulging quadricep.  
  
"Jerry, glad you're here," she cried out gaily and placed her arm through his.  
  
"Huh?" he mumbled stupidly as she dragged him to a table. "Nice decorating," he murmured as she pushed him down into a questionable chair.  
  
"We didn't come here to admire the décor. We've got a job to do," she hissed between clenched teeth. "What happened to your leg?" she asked, noticing how he was gently kneading the hard muscle.  
  
"Leg....hurt." he said eloquently.  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him. Flint was not always the greatest architect of words, but tonight he was acting as stupid as...well Bazooka, their unfortunate teammate who had perished while roasting marshmallows at a Joe BBQ.  
  
"Did you find out anything at the other bars?" she asked.  
  
"Don't drink the glowing blue one," he ulped, covering his mouth with his hand.  
  
"Damn it Flint!" She pounded her fist on the table. "You were supposed be gathering info about Cobra. That ruthless terrorist organization is planning something. I know it!!!!!"  
  
Her words were lost on Flint, however. He had passed out, his forehead hitting the table with a resounding crack that made her teeth shake. Lady Jaye, frustrated beyond belief at her on again-off again main man grabbed a handful of his dark locks. She was appalled when his hair came off in her hands. She gasped as a long blond ponytail appeared.  
  
Grabbing his ears she peeled his face forward. "That's not Flint," she thought. "That's that Dreadnok! Gee, I never noticed before what a nice sheen his hair has. I wonder what he uses?" she mused.  
  
That was unimportant however. Somehow, Flint had been captured, maybe even killed, and this imbecile had been sent in his place. It was time to go back to Joe headquarters. She hefted the unconscious Dreadnok on her shoulders and walked out of the bar. 


	2. A Night in for Scarlett

**Chapter 2: A Night in for Scarlett  
**  
Scarlett lay on her bed, kicking her feet in the air, painting her nails, and talking on the walkie-talkie. "Oh, I couldn't agree more. That sounds like an excellent plan, sir," she said, while kicking her teddy bear into the air to show her true feelings.  
  
"10-4, Duke. Be right on it." She signed off and threw the walkie-talkie on the floor. It bounced on the pink shag carpeting, coming to rest on a lavender silk pillow. "Perfect timing as always," she thought, rising from the bed and cursing as her nail polish smudged all to hell. "Damn that inventory! Can't he carry his own clipboard?!!" she fumed.  
  
She stood in front of her bedroom mirror (the one on the wall, not the ceiling), and debated which red wig to put on. If anyone ever found out she wasn't a true redhead...Scarlett had discovered through the years that blondes don't have more fun. Red was a lot more entertaining. She chose the long, straight one—the 16 inch, not the 18 inch, as she had told her Joe teammates that she had had to miss a briefing for a haircut. She threw on her yellow and grey leotard (the uniform Duke insisted on) and was out the door. 


	3. A Night Out for Shipwreck

**Chapter 3: A Night Out for Shipwreck**  
  
The night was dark and blue. A lone man in a tiny white sailor's hat stood on the docks, gazing out into the murky water. "Mara," he whispered.  
  
"Hey, sailor!" He heard a seductive voice behind him. "You look like you could use some company."  
  
"Nah, I'm just looking for a mermaid." He said.  
  
"For fifty bucks, I can put on a tail."  
  
He turned to rebuke her. The hooker's eyes went wide as she looked over his shoulder. Silently, she backed away and fled in terror.  
  
"Uh oh," Shipwreck thought. He carefully turned around and....  
  
"Oh, damn it Polly! Take that rat out of your mouth!"  
  
"Polly likes rats. MMM good rats. Polly want blood!!!!!!!!!!!!" Polly screeched.  
  
"You're really creeping me out, birdbrain!" Shipwreck cringed inwardly at his bloodthirsty avian companion, the only thing left to him by his father. Crazy SOB.  
  
Ahhh, but that was long ago, and he could no more get rid of Polly than he could get rid of his longing for Mara, the beautiful mermaid who had stolen his heart. Almost every night, he came down to these lonely docks—well, lonely except for the hookers, the hobos, the beatniks, the fishermen, the rats, the mice, the bugs, the graveyard-shift dock workers, the drug dealers, the druggies, the frotteurs, men opening trench-coats to reveal gold watches and jewels, men opening trench-coats to reveal an entirely different set of jewels...and watch and wait for her to return. She had promised him she would one day, and until then, he would patiently wait.  
  
Shipwreck glanced at his watch, noting he had an hour before he needed to return to base for duty. The moon had risen, casting its soft glow on the water, illuminating the pier and his friend Snake Eyes with delicate strokes of light. Wait, Snake Eyes—what was he doing here?  
  
"Snake Eyes, what are you doing here?" Shipwreck glared at his teammate who was currently chasing Polly away from clawing at his head. That accomplished, with Polly mumbling something about blood and meat, he signed something frantically.  
  
"Damn it Snakes, you know I can't understand a bloody thing you say—er, sign! Polly began to screech and cackle in the background. "Write it down."  
  
Snake Eyes shrugged his shoulders and showed empty hands, indicating he had brought neither pen nor paper. "Write it in blood!!!" Polly screeched before Shipwreck shooed him away.  
  
"Really, Snakes, you know that Scarlett and Duke are the only ones that understand you—why didn't you bring a notebook with you?"  
  
Snake Eyes shrugged again, pointing to his clothing. Where in hell would he store a notebook in his skin-tight, black spandex jumpsuit? As it was, his uniform left little to the imagination.  
  
"Well, you should be better prepared," Shipwreck harrumphed.  
  
Snake Eyes used a sign he knew even Shipwreck could understand. It was really irritating that most of his teammates stubbornly refused to learn sign language. Let's see how well they would do as scarred up, mute ninjas. Well, he still had a message for Shipwreck, so he lowered his middle finger and began to communicate with Shipwreck using non-ASL- sanctioned gestures. That seemed to work with his teammates. He did find it slightly embarrassing that he had to play charades all the time. On the upside, he was an excellent competitor when the team actually played the game.  
  
"Slow down Snakes. What—OK—first word, one syllable. Sounds like--- tongue. No? OK—mint. Snake Eyes nodded and flicked his tongue back into his mouth, but not before the Breathsaver on it flew off and landed at his feet. Disgusted, Snake Eyes continued. He began to strut around the dock, chest puffed out, alternately flexing his biceps, posing like Arnold Schwartzenegger at a Mr. World competition, and walking around like he was wearing concrete deodorant. "Uhhhh, Roadblock? No—Gung Ho?" Frustrated, Snake Eyes grabbed his ear, or tried to, given that his ears were as covered in spandex as the rest of him, and pointed at the mint lying forlornly on the dock. "Oh yeah. Sounds like mint. Mint...mint...fint..." Snake Eyes thumped Shipwreck on the forehead with his fingers. "Ohhh, Flint!!!! I got it? That's it?" Snake Eyes nodded exasperatedly while Shipwreck danced about the dock in triumph. "You know, Snakes, Muscles walks more like this," he said, and proceeded to imitate his superior. Snakes Eyes disgustedly turned around and started to walk away. "Ok---ok. Come on, Snakes, next word." This was actually kind of fun. He really must play charades more often.  
  
For the next fifteen minutes, Snake Eyes gestured, and Shipwreck guessed. Base had received word from Lady Jaye that Flint was missing, and Duke wanted everybody back at headquarters. As they walked away together, Snake Eyes asked via hand gestures why Shipwreck was at the docks again.  
  
"You know the answer to that, my man. Mara is coming back, and when she does, you'll all see that she's real."  
  
Snake Eyes mournfully shook his head and patted Shipwreck's shoulder. He pointed to a hooker, the one that had accosted Shipwreck earlier. "What about her, Snakes?"  
  
Snake Eyes made a rude gesture.  
  
Shipwreck's eyes widened in horror. "Snakes! You know I don't do that sort of thing anymore!"  
  
Snake Eyes sadly shook his head again. He pointed to Polly, who was desecrating the rat he had caught earlier. Shipwreck muttered a curse, got his bird, and rejoined Snake Eyes. Before turning to leave, Snake Eyes pointed to the hooker again, who was currently displaying her merchandise for a young merchant marine. He gestured something to Shipwreck, who turned for one last look at the prostitute. "Yeah, I know," he said. "Nice tits." 


	4. Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

**Chapter 4: Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch**  
  
"It really was the most bizarre thing. There he was, passed out at the table, and his hair came off in my hands!" Lady Jaye was standing with Cover Girl and Scarlett next to the unconscious Dreadnok, telling them her story. "And then this blond ponytail appeared," she continued. "It was the most incredible thing. So---"  
  
"Shiny," Cover Girl breathed.  
  
"And soft! Touch it."  
  
Both Scarlett and Cover Girl ran their fingers through the blonde river that flowed from the Dreadnok's head. It had been released from the confines of the ponytail, and now it fanned out on the pillow. "My god," Scarlett said. "He must condition for hours! I wonder what he uses?"  
  
"Definitely not something from Wal-Mart," said Cover Girl, running her fingers through his hair again. Cover Girl had been a runway model once upon a time. She KNEW hair.  
  
Suddenly the women heard a throat clear behind them.  
  
"So after I realized that this couldn't be our Flint, I slammed his head on the table and---"  
  
"Save it, Lady Jaye. We know he has severe alcohol poisoning." Sgt Conrad "Duke" Hauser walked into the room. "What I need to know is, where is Flint?" 


	5. All Tied Up and Nowhere to Go

**Chapter 5: All Tied Up and Nowhere to Go**  
  
Duke had asked a most appropriate question. Exactly where was Flint? That is what the man himself was trying to figure out as he came to in darkness. He wanted to rub his head, which ached worse than any hangover ever did. However, his arms were wrenched behind his back, cuffed at the wrists. He struggled for a moment, trying to free himself, but to no avail. His eyes began to adjust to the darkness, and he saw he was in a 6x6 stone-walled cell, propped unceremoniously against one wall. His head and heart pounding from his recent exertions, Flint rested a moment and tried to remember what had led up to this unfortunate predicament.  
  
He had been on his way to meet Lady Jaye at a bar in a district notoriously frequented by COBRA agents. Something was cooking with the snake people, and they had received an intelligence lead about said bar. He was a bit early, so he popped into health food store and restaurant and ordered a yogurt fruit smoothie. Suddenly, Lady Jaye walked in. That was odd, considering she always refused to join him in such places. No tofu and alfalfa sprouts for her. If it were in any way healthy, she would have been entirely carnivorous. He watched as she scanned the joint, her eyes lighting up when she saw him.  
  
"Flint!" she cried, walking toward him. There had been something different about her walk, a little more masculine, a little more unsteady on the high- heeled boots she insisted on wearing. "We don't need to do this. Cobra Commander has been caught!"  
  
In his excitement at such news he knocked over his smoothie, the red liquid spreading out over the wicker table. It was the last thing he remembered—except for the part where he followed Lady Jaye out of the building, followed her around the corner, followed her down a dark alley, became surrounded by Zartan's Dreadnoks, saw Lady Jaye rip off her face to reveal the two-toned countenance of Zartan, fought for his life, getting in a few lucky punches and kicks, and felt something explode in the back of his head while hearing the stereo-amplified laughter of the vicious master- of-disguise.  
  
And now he was here. He had no idea how long he'd been out, but he had a feeling he wasn't in Kansas anymore. Come to think of it, he hadn't been back home in awhile. Maybe when this was over, he and Lady Jaye could...but that wasn't important now. He turned his attention back to the matter at hand. 


	6. A Man Called Flint or Dash or Warrant or

**Chapter 6: A Man Called Flint or Dash or Warrant or...**  
  
Duke stood in the main conference room with his back toward his teammates. He liked to have a moment to himself before he addressed the troops, collecting his thoughts, preparing himself to face the one person who melted his heart and ignited his passions, the one person he could never have. But he knew that wasn't important now, and forced himself back to the matter at hand. He had a missing man, his right hand man. A man called Flint. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face his soldiers.  
  
"Well team, we have a problem. Sometime between the hours of nine and eleven, we lost a valuable member of our team. Our one and only warrant officer, the one and only Flint, also known as Dashiell Faireborn, a man for all seasons, a man to whom we owe all our lives, a man who---"  
  
Duke's speech was interrupted by the opening of the door. Shipwreck and Snake Eyes stumbled in, closely followed by Shipwreck's bloodthirsty parrot and Snake Eyes' rather diminutive wolf.  
  
"Sorry Top, Snakes' dog—"Snake Eyes elbowed Shipwreck sharply in the ribs. "Er—wolf, needed a walk." He smiled sheepishly as Polly alighted on Duke's head. Before he could take root, Duke batted him away. His eyes narrowed in a scowl at the two men.  
  
"Fine, take your seats men," he barked. "As I was saying, our one and only warrant officer, a man we call Flint, a man...a man...a man..." Damn it to hell. That little interruption completely ruined his flow and destroyed one of his best briefing intro speeches yet. His troops watched him expectantly. "Our Flint was violent—uh—viciously taken—er—torn from our—er." Damn. "Flint is gone. Lady Jaye?"  
  
As Lady Jaye rose to tell everyone what she knew about Flint's disappearance, Snake Eyes slid into his seat next to his girlfriend, Scarlett. She surreptitiously signed a question under the table, her eyes betraying her disappointment at his quickly signed answer. "The docks again?" she whispered, forgetting for a moment she was in a briefing. Oh well, she had heard Lady Jaye's story several times already, and while it got more interesting and embellished at every telling (Lady Jaye could weave a good tale), she felt this was more important. "What are we going to do about him?" She signed. "He can't possibly afford all that, not to mention all the stuff he could pick up down there." Snake Eyes nodded in commiseration. They were both worried about their friend. He signed something back to her, saying he was sorry for interrupting the briefing and that they would talk later. "It's OK," she signed back. Although, this had been one of Duke's better speeches...  
  
Duke, having heard Lady Jaye's report several times before (although by this, the fourth time, it was sure to be quite entertaining—Lady Jaye could weave a good tale), allowed himself to gaze across the table at Scarlett and Snake Eyes. Damn. Why couldn't he get this one person out of his mind? As they signed back and forth to each other, Duke felt the cold grip of jealously. They looked so close, so...in love. He really should just give up. And he really should talk to Shipwreck. From the way it looked, Snakes had found him down at the docks again. Didn't he realize what he could pick up down there? Not to mention the expense. That Mara the Mermaid story was fishy at best. Yes, he really must talk to him...  
  
It appeared that Lady Jaye was just wrapping up, so Duke turned his attention back to the briefing. "And then, much to my shock and horror, his hair, that beautiful, dark hair, came off in my hands, revealing an amazing blonde ponytail, soft, shiny, and not a part of our Flint." Lady Jaye was in rare form. "I reached for his face, grabbing it behind his ears, and...." She paused for dramatic effect, looking out across the room, meeting each soldier's eyes in turn. The troops all leaned forward in anticipation. "It was... a DREADNOK!" The troops gasped in horror. "I immediately knew something horrible had happened to our most honorable warrant officer, so I...I..." Lady Jaye choked back a little sob, allowing a single tear to escape down her cheek. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I hauled his sorry, drunk ass onto my war-weary shoulders, and brought him back to base, where he continues to drain our resources in medical. He is, as we speak, under the care of Doc, who assures me he will awaken soon. We shall have our answers, and as God is my witness," she raised a fist in the air. "We will find you Flint!!!" She lowered her fist, closing her eyes and taking a deep, shuddering breath. Her teammates applauded appreciatively. Lady Jaye had truly outdone herself. She opened her eyes and smiled, taking her seat with a little bow and flourish.  
  
"Thank you, Lady Jaye," said Duke, rising to take over the briefing. He was stopped by hand on his arm.  
  
"Sir?" said BowTie, the most dapper member of the Joe team, and one of the most deadly. Duke turned to the man at his side. He had not even noticed BowTie enter the room, but that wasn't unusual. The man moved with extreme stealth, even when vacuuming and dusting around Joe Headquarters. He was always neat and tidy, and always dressed smartly in a black tux with tails, and, of course, a bowtie. BowTie handed Duke a small, folded piece of paper. He opened it and slowly read what was written, becoming more horrified at every word. His hands shaking by the time he finished, he dropped the note and gripped the back of his chair, knuckles whitening.  
  
"Oh dear god." 


	7. A Flint on the Barbie

Chapter 7: **A Flint on the Barbie**  
  
"Oh dear god," Flint thought to himself as he entered a huge domed room. Massive COBRA banners hung from the ceiling, while non-descript COBRA soldiers stood at each of four entrances and around the perimeter of the room. Other COBRA operatives were sitting at a myriad of computers and controls. Directly in the center of the room was a round table-like apparatus. It had an assortment of restraints and it appeared to Flint that it was just waiting for him. What exactly it was remained a mystery, but Flint had a feeling he was about to find out. The two COBRA drones prodded him sharply in his back, forcing him forward.  
  
A darkly clad figure turned to face him, smiling sinisterly, revealing teeth that might as well been fangs. "Velcome, my Joe pet. How vonderful it iz to see you again."  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
It was truly a grand scheme. There was no way COBRA could lose this time. They would soon rule the Joes, and then they would rule the world!!! All they needed was one of the strongest, smartest, handsomest (according to the Baroness) members of GI Joe, and they would have their victory.  
  
COBRA Commander almost clapped with giddy glee as he watched the scene below him unfold. He had his man. The young and handsome Flint was currently being led into the room by a pair of nondescript, expendable COBRA drones. One was currently delighting in poking Flint in the back with his rifle. The reptilian commander could appreciate his enthusiasm, but woe to him if he injured Flint before the big plan could be set in motion.  
  
"He truly is---"  
  
"a magnificent---"  
  
"specimen; strong, powerful in mind and body, and beautiful to behold." The Crimson twins, partners in crime with COBRA, finished their sentence together, coming up behind the head snake. Tomax and Xamot were truly an enigmatic pair, possessing a psychic bond that enabled them to feel where the other was and feel each other's pain---so COBRA Commander elbowed the one standing behind him. (It didn't matter which, COBRA Commander still couldn't tell them apart. One had a scar, the other didn't; or was it one didn't and the other did; or they both had one; or one just liked to experiment with lipstick and had poor aim, who knew? COBRA didn't care. They were merely a necessary evil. Every terrorist organization needed financing.) Both twins doubled over in pain. "I feel my brother's pain!" Tomax (or was it Xamot?) groaned.  
  
Beneath his silver mask, COBRA Commander rolled his eyes. Why was it that the twins felt the need to tell everyone that every time? Everyone in Reptilian Land knew it, and, well...used it to their advantage. Idiots.  
  
"Silence, fools!" He admonished them. "We are about to witness the downfall of the Joes. Behold---the DUPLICATOR!!!"  
  
"A truly---"  
  
"Magnificent---"  
  
"Piece---" the twins paused and looked at each other. What to say? People didn't know how much work it was to finish a sentence together. Their twin bond was good, but it really took a lot of practice in front of the mirror to achieve such seamless unison. "Of machinery!" They finished in triumph, giggling with girlish glee.  
  
"Boys, you are really losing your touch." It was the mellifluous voice of Destro, the silver fox of the COBRAs. His shiny silver pate glinted in the fluorescent lighting of the room as he glided toward the commander and the twins. He was truly a dashing figure; tall, with a sculpted body that was the envy of every male member of the COBRA organization. Truth be told, he was the object of some desire as well. But alas, his heart belonged to a woman known simply as the Baroness.  
  
Destro was the arms supplier for COBRA, and one of the key developers of the DUPLICATOR, along with Dr. Mindbender and the Baroness. (Although, really, the Baroness had only come up with the name---along with the idea for the machine in the first place. But the research and development were all Destro and Mindbender, save for a few tidbits, that Destro felt he could take credit for. He was sleeping with her after all.)  
  
Destro clapped a strong hand on Tomax's (Xamot's?) back. He had a moment of fiendish delight as he watched Xamot (Tomax?) flinch as well. "We are now ready to begin. I would be honored if you would explain our little surprise to our handsome captive, my esteemed COBRA commander."  
  
"My pleasure, Destro." The commander took a moment to adjust his face mask, buffing it with a little hanky before turning to the window and switching on the microphone.  
  
"Welcome, my dear Flint, to my humble abode. You see before you the instrument of the Joe's demise. Allow me to explain. In a few minutes time, you will be strapped onto a little apparatus known as the DNA Uptake Pattern Life Inducing Cloning Apparatus and Tissue-Organ Replicator, which we refer to affectionately as the DUPLICATOR. Samples of your DNA have already been taken and fed into the machine for analysis. Your brain and body will be scanned in full, allowing us to generate a pattern for your thoughts, memories and personality. You see on one part of the DUPLICATOR is a formless blob. That, my dear Flint, is just a bit of protoplasm, waiting to be told how to, to, to..." COBRA Commander turned to Destro.  
  
"Differentiate," whispered the gleaming man.  
  
"Diff-diff—dif-fer-rent-iate," the commander stuttered. "Differentiate into all manner of cells. It will become a heart, a lung, a liver, a brain—which will house all that is you. Your memories, your feelings, your essence that makes you uniquely you. Only you will not be a unique individual after this. You will have a clone, capable of doing everything you yourself do. You will not be needed anymore, and COBRA will finally be able to destroy GI Joe. We will at last rule the world! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" The commander's voice had risen to a crescendo, ending with ear-splitting maniacal laughter.  
  
This did not sound good, Flint thought to himself. He shuddered inwardly. In fact, this sounded pretty bad. A clone, of him? Wait a minute...  
  
"Sounds great COBRA Commander," Flint said sarcastically. "But tell me, if this is an exact duplicate of me, how will you get it to do your bidding? I'm sure you realize my less than admirable feelings for you."  
  
"Ohhh, not to worry, my dear Flint. You will find that Dr. Mindbender is very adept at manipulating DNA. Your clone will be used to infiltrate Joe Headquarters, but he will be completely loyal to us. He will be essentially programmed to follow our orders, while still fooling every one of your colleagues. Even, what is her name...Lady Jaye?"  
  
Flint flushed with anger. "You leave her out of this! Touch her, and you will regret it."  
  
"I'm sure, Flint. Only I won't be touching her. You will."  
  
"Why you son of a—"Flint broke away from his guards, rushing toward the commander as if he could reach high above and rip him from the glass- enclosed control room. The COBRA drones quickly subdued the manacled Flint, overpowering him with a few well-placed whacks from the butts of their weapons.  
  
"Stop, fools!" came the wretched, ear-numbing voice of the commander. Immediately yet regretfully the guards stopped their abuse of their prisoner. Flint lay on the ground, panting from the exertion. His anger and fear for his comrades overcame any pain he might have been feeling. "We do not want him damaged. Baroness!!!"  
  
"Yes, Commander?"  
  
"Put him on the DUPLICATOR!!!"  
  
The Baroness motioned to the guards, who hauled the battered Flint to his feet and shoved him toward the apparatus. They hefted him roughly on top of the table, strapping him down and removing his other restraints.  
  
In a last show of bravado, Flint shouted up at COBRA Commander. "This will never work. It has never worked before, and it won't work now!"  
  
The commander merely laughed in his almost inhuman voice. "We will see, my dear Flint. Begin the procedure!"  
  
The Baroness positioned herself at a small control panel at Flint's side and began to enter in data and the proper codes. The machine roared gently to life and began to slowly spin.  
  
Flint grew immediately dizzy and nauseated. "Tell me, Baroness, what is the purpose of all this turning?"  
  
The Baroness smiled at him. "I suppose vone could say that it facilitates the scan, but really it is just for effect."  
  
"Effect?" He asked incredulously. The machine had begun to pick up speed and the Baroness was now only visible as a blur.  
  
"Yes, effect. Did you ever happen to see an episode of Star Trek involving robotic duplicates, a spinning machine, and a duplicate of Kirk?"  
  
Flint attempted to nod.  
  
"Dr. Mindbender is a fan."  
  
Well, that explained everything, Flint thought, turning faster and faster, the machine whining louder and louder, until he finally blacked out and fell into blessed unconsciousness.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
"You know..."  
  
"He does..."  
  
"Have a point," the Crimson Twins finished in unison.  
  
"Excuse me?" COBRA Commander turned from the view below.  
  
"Well, there was that episode with the synthoids." One of the twins spoke in rare independence.  
  
"And the episode with the androids," the other twin chimed in.  
  
"And the time---" Destro was about to put in his two cents worth.  
  
"Silence fools!!!!! This cannot fail!" He stamped his foot and turned to face one of the twins. "You will see Xamot---"  
  
"I'm Tomax!" whined the twin in a somewhat petulant voice.  
  
"_I'm_ Xamot!"  
  
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" the commander yelled in frustration. He rushed past Tomax, but not before he punched him in the gut. Xamot doubled over in pain.  
  
"I feel my brother's pain!"  
  
"SILENCE!!!!!" The commander shouted in fury before all but running for the door. One could only take so much of the Crimson Twins. How dare they doubt him!!! They would soon see differently. Finally alone outside the control room, the commander allowed himself a brief moment of satisfied laughter. All would soon see differently. GI Joe most of all... 


	8. Meeting Adjourned

**Chapter 8 Meeting Adjourned**  
  
"Oh dear god," Duke said again, voice trembling. He gripped the back of his chair tighter, closing his eyes as his world turned slightly off- kilter. Dimly, he was aware of his teammates clustering about him. As if from a distance he could hear their concerned questions as BowTie forced him back in his chair.  
  
"Is it Flint?"  
  
"What has COBRA done?"  
  
"Is Flint OK?"  
  
Lady Jaye felt her heart pound in her chest. This could be the moment she had always dreaded, one of the reasons she refused to get any closer to Flint. Not the biggest reason, but an important one nonetheless. She reached a trembling hand toward the crumpled note that lay forgotten beside Duke. Slowly, slowly she opened it, not sure if she truly wanted to know what lay within.  
  
"Dear Duke," she read. "I am so sorry, but I ran into your Jaguar while I was leaving the parking lot. You were in your little meeting, so I didn't want to interrupt you. Here is my phone number. I took your front bumper home with me so it wouldn't be in the way. There was a lot of broken glass. Please be careful. See you tomorrow. Tiffani." Lady Jaye's fist clenched over the pink, scented paper. Each little "i" was dotted with a little heart, and Duke's secretary's loopy handwriting was written in her signature lavender ink.  
  
Scarlett snatched the note from Lady Jaye's hand. Lady Jaye's whole body began to shake, her eyes glazing over. Scarlett motioned to Snake Eyes, who put a concerned hand on her shoulder and led her back to her seat. She seemed to come back to herself then. She shrugged off Snake Eye's solicitations and bolted from the room, but not before she heard Scarlett shout, "This is about your car?!! That's it?!!"  
  
Duke didn't seem to hear Scarlett. Baby had been hurt. He was still in shock. He'd had that car since high school. He polished Baby every night with a baby diaper. He worked on her every weekend, keeping her tuned up. She had taken the place of many a lover, and she was needed even more now during this trying time of unrequited love. "Baby," he murmured.  
  
The meeting was effectively over. The Joe team was a finely honed cohesive unit, and each knew his or her place. Everyone would carry out the necessary tasks needed to get Flint back. There was no point in hanging around---Duke was not going to be worth much for awhile. The team felt it odd that he had such affection for a car, considering....But they understood. Flint had Lady Jaye (sometimes), the Baroness had Destro, Scarlett had Snake Eyes, Duke had Baby. Slowly the soldiers filed out of the room, leaving Duke in the care of BowTie. Scarlett threw the pink note at Duke as she walked past him. She was, to say the least, disgusted with him. Shipwreck was the last to leave, having had to chase a deranged Polly around the room. "Dead baby, dead baby, dead baby," he kept chanting. "Bloody---"Shipwreck finally caught him.  
  
"Can it, bird! That's sick even for you!" Polly could still be heard cackling down the hall.  
  
Duke put his head in his hands. This night couldn't possibly get any worse. 


	9. Lady Jaye Tells a Secret

**Chapter 9 Lady Jaye Tells a Secret**  
  
Scarlett stood alone in the parking lot. She had looked for Lady Jaye everywhere, in the gym, in the kitchen, even in the garage that housed all the Joe heavy equipment. It seemed Lady Jaye was not handling Flint's disappearance as well as everybody thought, and Scarlett was more than a little concerned.

Lady Jaye and Flint were on as much as they were off. Scarlett and many other members of GI Joe found this strange, for even though they were both somewhat volatile, they were a great team that was more than the sum of its parts. They were passionate about their work, and often they seemed passionate about each other. But something continued to hold them back from commitment. Scarlett suspected that Lady Jaye was largely responsible for this; it was she who seemed to hold back from giving her whole self to Flint. Scarlett decided that tonight she would discover the reason for that. She noted that Lady Jaye's car was missing from its spot, two spaces down from where Duke's Baby sat, a shadow of her former self, broken windows, broken glass, and an absent front bumper. How Tiffani managed to do that with her little purple Geo Metro, Scarlett would never know. Time was short, though, so she headed for her car and decided to pay a visit to Lady Jaye's house.  
  
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Lady Jaye sat huddled on her couch, clutching a soft hand-knit sweater. The idea that Flint was missing and possibly, no, probably, dead was finally beginning to sink in. "Not Flint, please not Flint," she thought to herself, trembling in the dark. For almost three years now, she and Flint had been something of an item. Meaning that they occasionally slept together and that any man looking to hook up with Lady Jaye usually found himself face down in the dirt and any woman with an eye for Flint wound up in the infirmary with suspicious bruises. Just ask Cover Girl. So they weren't exactly seeing each other, but they certainly weren't seeing anybody else, either.  
  
Lady Jaye sighed. Sometimes it took a horrible tragedy for someone to realize how they felt about someone. Still, though, Lady Jaye knew that if Flint came back here tonight, there would still be that one thing hanging over their heads. The one thing that kept them distant from each other. Lady Jaye's reverie was suddenly interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. "Jaye, if you're in there, open up. Now!"  
  
Ahhh, Scarlett. As much as she wanted to be alone, she knew Scarlett would not give up easily. Lady Jaye heaved herself off the couch, slipping the wool sweater over her head as she moved to answer the door.  
  
"Come in, Scarlett."  
  
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"Sooo....do you want to talk about it?"  
  
Lady Jaye walked over to a chair across from where Scarlett was sitting on the couch. She gently caressed an intricately knit shawl that was carelessly draped across its back before picking it up and wrapping it about her shoulders. Finally, she sat down, drawing her delicately knit argyle socks-clad feet up under her. "What's to talk about? Flint's gone. COBRA's involved." She spoke quietly, unable to meet Scarlett's probing stare.  
  
"I mean about your feelings for Flint." Scarlett's sharp gaze took in the subtle stiffening of Lady Jaye's body, knowing she had hit on a nerve. Lady Jaye always talked casually about her relationship (or lack thereof) with Flint. But now something had changed. Too bad the change had been precipitated by Flint's disappearance. She decided to probe deeper, knowing that this could be the last chance to get the story out of Lady Jaye. She grabbed the blanket draped over the couch, admiring how the different colors were knitted together, cursing when a thread of yarn caught on one of her long nails. She wrapped the blanket around her, indicating she wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.  
  
They sat in silence for a long while, Lady Jaye shifting uncomfortably in her chair, dropping her feet onto the blue knit rug in front of her chair. Scarlett merely gazed at her friend, surreptitiously checking to make sure her wig was still stable on her head. She intended to get the secrets of Flint and Lady Jaye out into the open, not divulge her own.  
  
Finally Lady Jaye spoke. "There is nothing to say about that either. There is no relationship. There will never be a relationship."  
  
"You mean because Flint is probably dead?" Scarlett was not one to pull punches.  
  
Lady Jaye gasped and jumped up out of the chair, her shawl falling from her shoulders. "How can you say that?!! He can't be dead! He just can't be." Her trembling voice dropped to a whisper.  
  
"You love him, don't you." It was more a statement than a question. Scarlett slowly rose from her perch on the couch, holding back a curse as another nail caught on the blanket around her and tore away from her finger. Damn, that hurt like hell. Scarlett made a mental note to schedule a manicure for tomorrow then turned herself back to the matter at hand. She crossed over to where Lady Jaye stood and grasped her shaking shoulders. "Don't you." She repeated. Long seconds passed. Finally, Lady Jaye nodded. She seemed to wilt then, dropping back onto her chair.  
  
"But it can't work."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Lady Jaye's eyes flashed. "Other than the fact that he's most likely dead?"  
  
"We don't know that. I refuse to believe that. Why can't it work? What's holding you back?"  
  
"There are things..." Lady Jaye's voice trailed off.  
  
"What things?" Scarlett prompted.  
  
"There are things you don't know about. Nobody knows about!" Lady Jaye broke away from Scarlett and began to pace about the room, kicking a red hand-knit stocking cap out of her path. It landed to rest beside the matching mittens and scarf.  
  
"Like what, that you are Scottish nobility and could buy and sell GI Joe several times over? Come on, we all know about that."  
  
"No, it's not that."  
  
"Flint's really a very large woman and you are unsure of the logistics of--- "  
  
Lady Jaye glared at Scarlett's flippancy. "Like hell."  
  
"Then tell me!" Honestly, Lady Jaye could be so stubborn. What could really be so terrible that Jaye balked at telling her closest friend? And if it were that bad, what kept Lady Jaye from completely ending her relationship with Flint?  
  
"I can't!" Lady Jaye wailed in despair, nearly tripping over another elaborately knit rug in front of her fireplace as she continued to frantically pace.  
  
"Why not? Tell me! This is obviously eating you up inside." Scarlett once again caught Lady Jaye in an iron grasp. "Tell me." She repeated softly.  
  
Overcome, all Lady Jaye could do was shake her head, lowering her eyes so she wouldn't have to meet Scarlett's intense stare. Miserable, she broke away from Scarlett and turned away from her.  
  
"Allie...."  
  
The use of her real name caused Lady Jaye to stop and turn around. Suddenly, Lady Jaye couldn't take it anymore. She had to get this horrible secret off her chest. "It's Flint..."  
  
"Yes?" Scarlett prompted.  
  
"Shana," Lady Jaye said, using Scarlett's given name. She made a wide, sweeping gesture that encompassed the entire room. "Look around you. What do you see?"  
  
Scarlett gazed around the living room like it was the first time she had seen it. It was very cozy, with several expertly knit rugs placed strategically on the hardwood floor. The couch and loveseat both had a few small gorgeously hand-knit blankets tossed on them. Jaye must have spent a fortune on them. The quality was among the best Scarlett had ever seen. Lady Jaye wasn't always the tidiest person around, and several sweaters lay about the room. The furniture was mainly in neutral tones, with expertly chosen pictures and wall hangings bringing everything together. All in all, it was a lovely, warm room, and Scarlett admired Jaye's taste. Looking back, she wished she had consulted Lady Jaye instead of Duke when she was decorating her own place. She loved pink and purple, but judging by the shocked stares of her visitors, they may have not been the best choices. Duke insisted that it would be great, and since his own place was very nicely done, she trusted him. But that was neither here nor there. Her friend was obviously in crisis. "I see a very nice, homey, well...home." Scarlett said carefully.  
  
"No, that's not what I mean. Look at this...and this." Lady Jaye moved about the room, pointing to a rug here and a sweater there.  
  
"They're very nice. They must have cost a for---"  
  
"No." Lady Jaye shook her head. "Come with me." Lady Jaye took off toward the stairs. Mystified, Scarlett followed her. Lady Jaye led her into her bedroom, which also had several beautifully knit rugs and blankets scattered about. She threw open the closet and pointed to the objects within.  
  
Lady Jaye's closet held the most gorgeous sweaters Scarlett had ever seen. They were obviously hand-knit, and must have set the wealthy Jaye back a few dollars. "They're very nice, Jaye," Scarlett said, now quite confused.  
  
"I have a lot of sweaters."  
  
"Yesss," Honestly, everyone knew Jaye had a lot of sweaters. Clothes were like candy to her. She went to Europe at least twice a year and always came back with a pile. The sweaters she wore when not in uniform were largely admired, and Jaye always said they came from a boutique in London.  
  
"I mean, a lot of sweaters."  
  
"I know. You get them at---"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, then where?" Scarlett was starting to get frustrated. How long could this mystery drag on?  
  
"Flint."  
  
"Flint bought them for you?" How could he afford all that?  
  
"No. He, he..." This was the hardest thing Lady Jaye had ever had to tell anyone. "He...made them."  
  
This was not the answer Scarlett expected. From the way Lady Jaye acted, she expected her to tell her that she had her own sweatshop in the basement with Flint as the taskmaster.  
  
"Flint knits."  
  
"Flint knits." Scarlett repeated. Where was this going?  
  
"All these sweaters, all the rugs, blankets, scarves, mittens...he knitted them all."  
  
"And?"  
  
"That's it. Flint knits. He knits, Scarlett! What am I supposed to do with that?"  
  
"That's it? You won't commit to Flint because he knits?" Scarlett felt she had to be missing something.  
  
"You know those leg warmers you love? The purple ones?"  
  
"Yeah? You got them at that one store down---"  
  
"No."  
  
"Flint?"  
  
Lady Jaye nodded, disappointed when Scarlett didn't say anything more.  
  
"Come on, Scarlett." Lady Jaye was growing frustrated with Scarlett. Why didn't she understand? "He's a man, and he knits. He's a soldier, and he knits. He's killed people with his bare hands in the line of duty, and he _KNITS_!"  
  
"He's very talented." What more could Scarlett say?  
  
"Arghhhhhh," Lady Jaye groaned and threw herself down on the bed. She had kept this secret for years, and all Scarlett could say was that Flint was talented? Well, he was, but he was still a man. Men did _not_ knit.  
  
"Jaye, he can't be the only man who knits."  
  
"The only straight man."  
  
Scarlett sat down beside Lady Jaye. "I doubt that. I bet Duke---"  
  
Lady Jaye stopped her with a look. Of course Duke knit. Probably crocheted as well.  
  
"We don't really know about..."  
  
Lady Jaye merely snorted. "All I know is my family would never understand this. I don't understand this. It goes against everything I know about men."  
  
"Maybe you have to change how you think about men. Obviously he cares about you. I would love to have all these beautiful things, and you have to admit, Flint is a great catch. Surely your family---"  
  
"They wouldn't." Lady Jaye said with finality. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm sure he's, he's he's...." Lady Jaye couldn't go on. The stress of the night overcame her and she burst into sobs. Gone was the premiere story teller and actress. In her place was a blubbering mass of jelly. Scarlett wrapped her arms around her friend, thinking that it was a shame that Lady Jaye had a closet full of sweaters yet such a sad heart. And it was a huge shame that it was only now that she realized the extent of her feelings for Flint, with situation being most dire. He could very well be...No. She wouldn't allow herself to think that. They would get Flint back...alive.  
  
Eventually, Lady Jaye cried herself to sleep, and Scarlett left her there, wrapped up in a sweater of Flint's that he obviously knitted himself. Scarlett covered her up with a knit blanket that she would have killed for and left Lady Jaye to rest. Her mission to discover the truth about Flint and Lady Jaye had been a success, and now it was on to the next mission--- bringing back Flint for Lady Jaye.


End file.
